Marriage Goals

(Part I)

Phil 3:12 Not that I have already reached the goal or am already perfect, but I make every effort to take hold† of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. 13… sisters, I do not† consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind† and reaching forward to what is ahead, 14 I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly† call in Christ Jesus.†

Relax. no need to squint- In no way am I claiming equality with St. Paul, only relating to his sentiments as I press toward living out God’s standard for my marriage. I repeat… I’m not there yet.

***CRITCAL CAVEAT*** Life endangering behaviors within a marriage must be addressed immediately. The following does not apply to you. If your husband is harming, or threatening to harm you or your children, for your safety you must separate yourselves from him immediately, and get appropriate professional help to determine your course of action. If his behaviors are harming, or potentially harming himself, seek immediate qualified counsel in establishing your most effective course to help him.

That said, let’s just leap on off the high dive, goal wise, for those of us who are believers, and experiencing the more common daily struggles within our marriages.

At the core of our beings- men and women have two very fundamental and very different needs.

Men want to be respected.

Women long to be loved.

The beauty and the irony, lie within the truth that one stimulates the other, yet they are not individually organic. It’s work, and someone has to start it.

If our marriages are ill functioning, things need to change.

I believe we are always the most powerful catalyst for change within our husbands… we just have to be facilitators of the RIGHT changes. (Remember who convinced Adam to eat the apple….)

How, then do we show our respect to our husbands?

Respecting our husbands does not mean praising them with false platitudes. It’s dishonest- and they’ll spot it a mile away.

Respecting them means really taking a step back, and thoughtfully viewing them both objectively, and positively.

Reflect on what is good, steadfast, honorable, and unique about him.

Make a list. Your list isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.

Pray over it, REALLY pray over it, and ask God to show you ways to express to your husband how much you appreciate and respect these amazing aspects of who he is.

Sometimes this is best communicated verbally, and sometimes it’s physically, often it’s a combination of both.

If this seems Greek to you, here’s a great resource in determining your husbands love language(s). I bet you’ve read it, if so – read it again, if not – order it.

Once you learn his love language(s)- make it your priority to speak them, every single day, starting first thing in the morning.

(Cont in Part II)